Shutting down eggSplice

Hi everyone

I've decided to shut down this blog. I've met some pretty cool people via this blog, who I'll probably still keep in contact with over AIM or email or whatever, but I think this blog has pretty much reached a defunct stage. 

Anyways, I started this thing hoping it would be fun, and it's turned out to be very fun--blog hopping, photo browsing, stranger stalking, all that jazz. But another reason why I started the blog was sort of touched upon in the post called Fabrication, where I said that I was being fake and stuff and the blog would hopefully try to help me reach a point where I would be able to not be fake. 

Well, events that have occured in the past few months have essentially forced me to take down my fake wall and look at things differently--to look at things as I should, not as I want to. I needed an excuse to get mad at some people, I needed an excuse to be noticed, to feel more secure, to feel safe, to be more confident, to be less competitive and more let-others-help-you, to be less "you're like this and that's why you're a bitch, sometimes" and more "you're awesome, despite the occasional bitchiness". The sad part is I never really addressed these things in the blog because I could hardly even admit to myself that I was like this, and that I had to change, since it's so much easier to tell others they have to change but be unable to see the change yourself. 

I guess I first realized that I had begun to believe the fakeness I was forcing others to believe, when almost exactly a year ago, GBF and I got into a major fight/argument. It was at that time when it first hit me--the things I was accusing him of were actually the things I should have seen in myself; the things I hated in him were really just a projection of the things I hated in myself. It took me a year to fully grasp that. I guess what really tore the whole fakeness thing away was that almost exactly a year later, January 2009, I almost brought up the same argument with him again, but thankfully realized it before I did. The great thing is, this time I'm actually willing to do something about it. 

Being fake got me nowhere in life. I put up a fake shield not just to make an impression or seem better or something, but for self-preservation. My parents have taught me about precautions since I was born--don't do this to avoid this, do that to avoid this, etc; the typical Asian teaching. Well, fuck it, no more of that. If I get hurt, well, then I get hurt. If someone uses me and I don't learn from it, well, shame on me, right? Right. I'm just tired of this whole mirage-like personality. 

So there it is--2009 really is the year for change, and I'm glad I'm finally doing it. 

Bye everyone! I'm glad I met you guys, you're all awesome! :D

Proposition 8: This Kind of Discrimination is Good

http://www.scriptoriumdaily.com/2008/11/03/discrimination-and-prop-8-why-dianne-feinstein-is-wrong/

One of my more conservative friends posted this up on Facebook, and it got attacked by the majority of liberals and Christian lefties at our school. That, and I think only the liberals are willing to attack it; many Yes on 8 youngsters seem almost afraid to defend their arguments (except for the guy who posted this up). The person who posted it up, by the way, did not write this, and is a really great person. 

But anyways, let's all address why this person's argument is deeply flawed and messed up. 

It just doesn't make sense! Well, that's my opinion. 

What do you think? When I read this, I was shocked at the seemingly un-educated nature of the article. I wrote a 3000 character response back to it (FB allows 1000 characters per post, and I did three in essay format, haha) derailing it because it bothered me a lot. 

By the way, everyone should watch Milk if they haven't seen it yet. 

Vilain Garcon

Haha, yeah right. 

Google translates that as "naughty boy". I just think it's fun to say. 

Happy new year!

Again, I have been reading ALL your blogs but I just haven't been commenting, SORRY! :D

In any way, I finally got my camera back from my friend who essentially held it hostage until I hung out with her (which I didn't). Unfortunately, I didn't get it back in time for New Years Eve, so I don't have awesome pictures in awesome resolution. 

Does someone want to teach me how to upload photos to Blogger so that they can still be clicked on and enlarged even after I move it to the middle of the post? I use Google Chrome, I don't know if that makes a difference. 

I no longer have weird stomach pains (which I attribute to mixing medications aka Etodolac and Vicodin). I no longer have weird chest pains and I no longer throw up randomly. But I still do have the annoying cough that's been with me for three and a half weeks now. I can eat solids again, which is awesome since I miss solids. I've been on a weird diet, so I have a weird body now but it's not as if I didn't have a weird body to begin with, but whatever! 

And now, instead of doing chemistry homework and reworking problems on Hess's law and vapour pressure and the Clausius-Clapeyron Equation (I'm just throwing those words out to show how uninterested I am in this particular chapter), I'm blogging, since I haven't done it in awhile. 

So this was my winter break:

I didn't do anything. I went to bed at around 1 AM every day, and woke up at around noon. I couldn't enjoy Christmas dinner because of my wisdom teeth extraction, so I ate like mad when I could chew solids to make up for my misery. I still haven't finished the Yogurtland my friends brought me the day of my extraction. J turned 17 on Christmas Eve (he's a few months younger than all of us) and so we hung around his house. GBF and J and S slept over a lot over break (it was fun before I had to leave since I'm not allowed to sleep over at boys' houses). On New Years Eve, we played poker for an hour or so, then GBF got drunk (pricelessly funny), then we played with party poppers at midnight. Quite a few people got pulled over that night, I'm glad I didn't! Then two days later we went to J's birthday party in Laguna Beach, where he got this hotel room/suite/miniature home for the night and it was super fun! Well, it was sort of fun because drama happened, but otherwise, it was fun! :D Played basketball with GBF, S, S's younger brother, and me. GBF and I were on the same team against S and her brother. They won the first round, but we kicked their ass the next (okay we barely won but it was still awesome...they lost to two gays who hate basketball but who are incidently  both incredibly competitive). 

So I don't think I'm going to take classes at UCI this quarter, since I can't even get my own set of keys until I'm 18 in April, so there's no point, really. Might as well save $1000 and enroll Spring quarter in March or whatever. 

My parents are leaving on a cruise late January, so I'll be home alone for eight days, which will be totally fun because GBF will be staying over! And it's also during semester break, which means more fun with no school! :D Woohoo!

Also, my mother is convinced that being gay is a result of a hormonal inbalance (she only thought of this after she learned the word "endocrinology"), so now she wants me to see an endocrinologist to get my hormones balanced out, as if a few hours with an IV stuck in my arm will transform this flaming queer into a robotic hetero. Please, girl! So not fabulous. 

So it's 8:15 and I'm in the mood to go running so that's probably what I'm going to do before I come back and finish chemistry homework. 

But before I leave, here's a quick question:

If you could change one thing about yourself physically, what would it be? (You can't say you want a six pack.)

and

If you could change one thing about your personality, what would it be? (You can't say you want to be more awesome.)

Okay, bye! 

Hope you guys had a great winter break (for those who had one) and I hope 2009 will be a better year than 2008! :D And remember to make resolutions you can keep, like "I will not murder anyone this year" or "I will stay gay."

Insomnia!!

Aside from the fact that I'm usually up this late anyways (2:16 AM) just for the hell of it, this past week I've been in pain from my teeth extraction and from my worsening flu-like sickness. Today was probably the worst health day ever :(. I woke up at 4:30 AM because I couldn't sleep because I had intense chest pain somewhere around my heart area which was really weird because it has never happened before. Got myself back to sleep before it woke me up at around 8. Then I had the worst diarrhea and stomach pains, probably from eating raw chicken the night before. At church at around 11, I felt like I was unable to breath and I couldn't stand, which scared me because that's usually the onset of a panic attack. My sister drove. We went to a Mexican restaurant, where I walked into a bathroom and threw up. Then I ate a small fish taco (the place was super oily and it was like heart attack on a plate). I went home at around 2 and had to stay awake (because I try not to sleep within two hours of eating...it's unhealthy) but I lasted until 3:15 when I just collapsed on the bed. I woke up fine, but then it felt like there was something lodged in my stomach (like a pen cap, but I didn't eat a pen cap), and I hurt in my upper abdomen whenever I swallowed or ate something, which SUCKED because I'm already limited on solid foods and now I can't even drink my foods! And I still have a stupid virus and a cough that won't go away so my health life basically sucks. And it's weird because I exercise regularly and I eat healthy! 

I finished my pain killers so now I'm sad. 

I can't sleep so I'm texting Gay Best Friend and J because GBF is at J's house sleeping over. They just finished watching Alice in Wonderland, and I just woke up. Went to sleep at 10 PM, woke up at 2. :( 

I watched The Sound of Music with my mom today, which is fun because we started singing the song that goes "I must have done something good". 

Anyways, the seemingly conservative cousin of mine who is the younger sister of the partier cousin told me the other day that she would totally try drugs, which shocked me because we were eating Yogurtland and talking about colleges when she randomly said that. I started laughing. I think she got her wisdom teeth pulled out on the 26th. 

I have been reading your blogs, I just have not been commenting. But I'm following and in the know!! :D

So I'm a loser and I never confront people; I rather just stare from a distance and talk about them with other people, haha. At LA Fitness today, Gym Tim was back (college break?) and he drives this huge Toyota Tundra--black--but the way he walks is super gay and it's kinda cute/funny/very pristine and precise, sort of like a hot Nurse Ratched. I called J to talk about him and he was like "well you should go up and talk to him"--I started laughing but he was being completely serious. Then I started laughing and changed the subject. I don't really want someone guilting me into why I never tell people how I feel about them, haha. 

Okay well I had a really fascinating week (doesn't include any boys that I <3>

My camera is at some girl's house, not being used, so I don't have any good pictures. Gay Best Friend finally got a new phone after some jackass stole it, so now I can text him again! Woohoo!! 

Ex-gf/lesbian best friend is now in Michigan. Will be going to Kentucky. Or she might already be in Kentucky. I miss her. She's buff.

So here's a question: for all the gays out there, who would you turn straight for? All the straights, who would you turn gay for (I don't think this question really applies, haha)? And for all the bisexuals, which two people (of opposite gender) would you have a three-way with? Not saying you guys actually will, but in an ideal world!

I would go straight for Famke Janssen (Phoenix from X-Men).

I thought of this question when I saw this:

Ugh Rove is hot, as are most Australians! :D Craig Horner is Australian!! :D

Okay bye all <3

Photoblog!! (not all from 2008)

Uhh, I don't really know how to edit these but I'll describe each picture:

1. Picture of me from 10th grade dissecting an owl pellet. 

2. South Coast Plaza at night.

3. Hot German stock trader (okay, cute) who is stressed over the stock market crash.

4. ICE ON MY BACK WINDOW!! It was that cold at night.

5. Ice on my windshield!! :D

6. Terron Wood, D&G hottie!! :D This is my cell phone wallpaper. 

7. Someone on the US Dance Team going to In N Out!! 

8. I was driving on this much gas...20 mpg, my car has decent mileage...for a 1997 Camry.

9. Coffee in Cerritos with a friend I haven't seen in forever. His name is Jason. Super cute, haha. Super straight, too (well, questionable for now). 

10. Abercrombie and Fitch, Hollister, and abercrombie kids all next to each other in Cerritos Mall...never seen that before.

11. The flamingo next to us drinking coffee. Sorry pictures are out of order, blogger is weird.

12. Our chemistry lab project...tin oxide. 

Okay so I had pretty much lame pictures but I'll probably post more on Facebook--I can only post inanimate objects on Blogger to protect privacy. Well, I'm a stalker, what do I care about privacy? I was given a new assignment by S--she wants me to stalk this really cute Iranian guy (who's really cute) and I'll find out everything about him...in January when I go back to school. 

Oh, and I got my wisdom teeth pulled out yesterday. It still hurts, but thank god for painkillers. Etodlac. Mild analgesic, but it still works. :) I'm totally gonna be a pill popper when I grow up.

Sometimes I get nervous when I see an open door...

How much am I willing to change for people and what do I have to do to be content with myself? Doesn't everyone answer that? Is conformity key? Or is it what makes society corrupt? The title of this post comes from the song Human, by the Killers (<3); class="Apple-style-span" style="font-style: italic;">being different? It never occured to me how many people are just talk and no walk (me included, most of the time). 

Anyways, there's been a flood of depression this week/month/quarter among the bloggers that I follow. Thing is, I hate Christmas and the holidays and everything. I think it's stupid, I don't like gift-giving, and I don't like that happiness that the holidays bring is temporary and calender-induced. Why should a month and a day determine the happiness of people? People should be happy with what they have, not because a society-defined day (once dedicated to the birth of Jesus), the media, and corporations tell them to be happy. 

But there is no denying that there's something special about Christmas/the holidays. Because no matter how much I hate it, the holidays bring families back together; it intensifies a sort of interpersonal love for anyone human. That's important. Because no matter what, everyone has an innate love for humanity and an innate dislike for it. Everyone loves each other, no matter how much they hate. How can you have hate without having love? 

So, in the spirit of the holidays that I don't like celebrating, I would like to say that no matter how you're feeling and no matter how depressed you are and no matter how useless your life may seem, you have to remember that it's not. Your life is not useless, you aren't worthless--you are so worth it, and you are priceless. I cannot stress that enough; every single life has value, and without that life, the world is simply a worse place to be. Hitler shaped the world for the better (as strange as that sounds). So did Stalin, Bush, Blair, Mussolini, Washington, etc. You may not be famous or the leader of the free world (or enslaved world), but you're still human, and there's no stratification when it comes to the value of anyone's life. 

Because, in the end, the holidays are meant to be happy. Even if it's fake happy, it's still happiness. And I guarantee, when you fake it, you eventually become it. So fake happiness, you'll eventually become happy. 

And remember, if you feel unloved by everyone in the world--you're not. I love you. Doesn't matter who you are. I love you. I fucking cross-my-heart, shit-my-pants, toast-to-life love you! You're worth it to me. <3

-----

Anyways, yesterday I had a blast. I hung out with Gay Best Friend and Girl Straight Best Friend (from now on, she'll be known as S because it's easier for me). We played tennis--real tennis, not Wii tennis. I totally kicked ass after an hour when I picked up my game (aka I hit balls over the fence, slammed my first twenty serves into the net, etc). Then we went biking when J came (boy straight best friend). It was so fun that I really don't remember much. 

Oh, and how could I forget? I was beaten up by S (she's tough!--but I kicked her ass thirty seconds later), dogpiled on by J, S, and GBF, and had my ass smacked so hard that it turned a little bit red! Oh, and I got bodyslammed on the couch, but that one was fun. :D I have a rug burn on my left elbow, I'll post up a picture later. 

This post was longer than expected. 

Anyways, I have a few photos I want to share later, when I'm not distracted by Legend of the Seeker and the incredibly gorgeous Craig Horner. 

My mother doesn't trust me

So I have a decent chance of getting into UC Irvine, which is good, because that's the school I want to go to. 

From the people I've talked to, it's fairly difficult to make friends if you're an undergrad and you don't dorm or join a frat/sorority. 

I live in Irvine.

My mother no longer wants me to dorm in college (aka move out) because she wants to keep an eye on me and she doesn't trust me making my own decisions. I'm guessing she thinks I'll have sex in college or something and defile myself because being gay is such a sin. And because I'm not gay pride or anything I don't want to join an LGBT group on campus and make friends that way...or any other club. I want to just hang out with dorm friends and experience college life (for a year, at least). 

This week has just been kinda shitty for me. Cox internet fucking sucks and I always get fucking disconnected for like 30 fucking minutes then I have to wait. And I hate how my computer is in a public place so I can never have any privacy because I'm always on my computer and my parents are always wandering around me. And I know I'm sounding like a prissy princess and I know there's a whole bunch of other people who have it much worse than me but I'm just so dead sick of them because I try to be their perfect statue model child but I there's always something that I miss and just fuck it. 

SO HERE'S THE POINT OF THIS:

1. I've been so drained (with everything: emotional, social, physical, bleh) that whenever something great happens, I forget it within a day, and whenever something shitty happens, I forget it within an hour. 

2. I have nothing to blog about anymore. 

3. I'm glad I passed my UCI course even though I really didn't study for the final which was much harder than I anticipated. I hate the quarter system!

Oh, and a friend invited me to Britney's Circus Tour in April next year, but I turned her down. I don't know why, I'll probably regret it later, but for now, I just want to disappear.